Standing on the Edge

It's 12:27 on a Friday morning, and I find myself standing on the edge again. Around this time 3 years ago I was in this same place, yet a different place (like they say in Thailand, "Same. Same... but different!" Switchfoot's song "On Fire" really stirred in me then, primarily the line, "I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before." Boy was I ever! At that time a major relationship in my life ended, I was making a career choice, I failed to obtain my #2 goal in college, I bought a journal, and I was learning what it was like to surrender to a deeply personal and worshipful relationship with the Lord because I had nowhere else to turn. My entire life broke apart, and I found that when it was going to be reconstructed it would be very different AND that it was all done for God's glory and my joy.

Now that it's been 3 years, I can look back and see what came after that edge. I can now see what it was I had never been before that point. I had never been a hostess (I had hosted a couple of times but that's very different from actually being a hostess). I had never been someone with the courage to share the gospel. I had never been someone who felt a deep sisterly love for other women, especially those who are hurting. I had never before read Jane Austen's writing. I had never truly understood grace. I never had a stamp in my passport. I had never really been okay with just being me and not caring if people like that me or not. I had never sung praises to God in a foreign language. I had never paved a road. I had never laughed so hard I cried (...Funny story about the first time I laughed so hard I cried. Ask me if you want to know). I had never sung into a microphone in front of people. I had never cried when I prayed because I was moved so deeply. I had never experienced the awesomeness of Giordano's pizza. I had never heard the all but audible voice of God speaking softly to me. I had never played 42. I had never been a wife.

All these beautiful things I have gotten to experience since God carried me from the edge right to the middle of everything I'd never been before. Now I feel as though I'm on the edge again; there's no turning back. I'm both eager and anxious. Someone I am good friends with is having a baby, due next week (I've never had a close friend be pregnant before)! Robbie and I are headed on week-long vacation to a fun city we've never been to before. My job description is about to completely change to I don't know what as soon as I get back from vacation. God is prying old things I don't want to let go of out of my hands and pressing me onward. I have just learned to crochet and found that I love it. I am pondering baking my first from scratch cake upon my return from vacation. Robbie and I feel called to be homeowners in the near future, and there may possibly be a little bit of talk about pursuing parenthood in the not too distant future as well.

So my point is, praise God for the edges in our lives. Here's to everything I've never been before. Bring it on!